Random rants: blogging, social media, writ for life

Checking back at the blogs by gay blogger that I used to read regularly, many of them stop blogging in 2014, pretty much the same as I did. Only a few that stopped in 2015, 2016. Almost none has continued to blog after 2018.

I guess times have changed. With Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok etc. that are more instant for consumptions and creations, readers and writers are choosing these more convenient platforms rather than blogs.

Even I was drawn to those platforms more. I only thought of coming back to write when I know that I can’t write about certain things on those platform. Things that are too emotionally driven, or topics that go too dark, controversial or deep and not suitable be to be posted on those platforms.

I guess I still care how people look at me after all, not wanting all my unfiltered thoughts to be on the social media platforms where people I know in real life are also connected with me there.

I probably don’t want to appear to have too much personality there. I don’t want to appear to be opinionated. Yet I don’t want to share too much things about my offline life e.g. what I’ve eaten, who I was with, what did I do there.

That leaves me with not much to share on the social media. That’s why I’m inactive on them.

But recently I have been able to relieve myself from some work duties since I’m leaving the job. So I have more time than I used to, and I get to browse social media more often than before.

I start to pay a little more attention to some people I connected with on the social media, people that I care more than others. I start to analyse what makes me care for them more. I think they are romantic or sexual interests mostly.

But being in a wretched state of life as I am now, I don’t feel I stand any chance if I pursue any of those interests with those people. I would probably feel worse for failing.

I know that I need to gather more of myself to get better. But my mind is still not able to cope with things that requires any writ applied onto myself.

I wonder when will my mind and soul be finally recovered to be driven in life again.

I think I need to be patient with myself. I’m trying to convince myself to wait patiently and just let it be if I can’t push myself to do anything. But is that really how it works? I’m not sure.