In an alternate universe, I would be someone who spends more time in taking care of my own self. I would make sure my skin is smooth and flawless. I would make sure my body is well-toned and in great shape. I would make sure my hairline isn’t badly receding and that my hair is thick and lustrous. I would be so confident with my appearance that I gain so many followers on social media.
In another alternate universe, I would be so talented in producing artwork that attract people to come forward to appreciate it. My artwork would not be just aesthetically pleasing, but it also allows the viewers to ponder over and have engaging discussion on the topic that I try to express in the artwork.
In yet another alternate universe, I would be writing regularly on my blogs and have even gotten a bit of fame from it and become an influencer in the blogosphere. My writing would have helped many other young gay men to find comfort and understanding. Some would have come to me for advice and I would be taking my time to give my best advice if I have any.
All of the above cannot be achieved because I’ve chosen to be in the universe that I’m in right now, on the path that I’ve chosen now.
It’s not the first time that I find myself at crossroads of life like I am now. But I realise as I grow older, every time I’m at this state, I would be in deeper state of self doubt than before.
Is this what others call mid-life crisis, except I’ve been experiencing it every few years and it gets worse every time?
Musings of a Homosexualist 