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Otaku

The word ‘otaku’ is from Japanese language which means a homebody who often with an obsession about something (usually anime, manga, games or other indoor hobbies). The original meaning of otaku means ‘home’ or ‘you’, written as お宅 in Japanese. But later, the meaning extended to its current modern slang form and written in hiragana おたく or katagana オタク to be distinguished from the original meaning.

In Japanese language, the word often carries negative meaning, but when used in a specific context, it can be an equivalent to ‘geek’, most of time it means an anime or manga fan, not necessarily with social ineptness.

In Chinese language, the word 宅, which is a valid Chinese character, is taken directly to mean the otaku-ness, or as an adjective of being an otaku (despite its original meaning in Chinese language which also means home). A male otaku in Chinese is called a 宅男, whereas the female equivalent is 腐女 (lit. rotten female).

Despite its loan nature from Japanese language, the word 宅男, when being used in Chinese language, is generally understood as a homebody, without the specific obsession part in the more often usage of otaku.

This song with the title ‘宅’ by Leo Ku uses a very smart play of the word. The theme of the song is about a lonely guy who became a homebody due to being single (implying that he ended a relationship). The lyricist uses the word 宅 to replace all occurrences of 在 in this song for their similar pronunciation, and verbalises the word 宅, effectively emphasises the theme and the title of the song. Creative. I haven’t seen this kind of wordplay in other songs.

That being said, I really like this song for its creative value, and also the relevance of its lyrics to me.

宅
作词：吴向飞;陈烈
作曲：曹轩宾

一个人的房间和一个人的枕边
喧嚣的世界被挡在外面
潜水是种习惯别人看不见
白天当作黑夜 黑夜当作白天

不想让谁改变也不想为谁改变
最害怕看见陌生人的脸
游荡网路之间从来不留言
很多时间没有谁看过我一眼

宅这个城市里 宅某一个角落
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
想像这个我并不是真的我
是某个人在扮演我

宅这个城市里 宅一个人生活
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
外面灯火栏栅 我已习惯了
关上门 这样静静的
关上我 这样静静的
一个人就这样静静的

空荡荡的房间和空荡荡的身边
不用为了谁再努力表演
同类已经不多我不怕寂寞
我害怕面对很多人无话可说

语言慢慢退化借微博宣泄一下
一想到聚会就莫名害怕
独处是好习惯别人看不见
我在这个城市陪着自己聊天

宅个城市里 宅某一个角落
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
也许最安全的就是这一刻
没有人在乎的沉默

宅这个城市里 宅一个人生活
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
外面灯火栏栅 我已习惯了
关上门 这样静静的
关上我 这样静静的
一个人 这样静静的

宅个城市里 宅某一个角落
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
也许最安全的就是这一刻
没有人在乎的沉默

宅这个城市里 宅一个人生活
只有寂寞才不会拒绝我
外面灯火栏栅 我已习惯了
关上门 这样静静的
关上我 这样静静的
习惯了 就这样 静静的

How is it like being a Chinese gay guy?

I tweeted about my curiosity on how is it like being a Malay, Muslim and gay at the same time. The reason being, I see more Chinese gay guys than Malay or Indian gay guys on Grindr. That makes me wonder, could it be because of cultural difference that makes more Chinese gay guys? And Muslim’s religious views seem to be very much against homosexuality, while that’s not in the case of Buddhism, Taoisim, Hindusim or Sikhism (at least not that I know of any absolutely opposing views from them).

soul232 took care to answer my queries.

But on second thought, I think I should probably write a post about how is it like being an almost free-thinking Chinese gay guy like me. I think it’s good for us gay guys to understand each other who are from different cultural and religious backgrounds in the context of homosexuality.

I can’t exactly speak for Chinese, and I doubt I know enough other Chinese gay guys to have a representative view on this. But at least for my case, homosexuality is not something that can openly discussed in my family. Not that my family is blatantly against it, but rather, I don’t dare to talk about it with my family for the fear of disappointment of my parent. I doubt my family will disown me over this though.

Being born in a Chinese-Buddhist + Taoist family, I’ve never heard of anything from my religions and beliefs that have anything against homosexuality. In Taoism, we have Pangu who was said to have created the Heaven and Earth, Nuwa who was said to have created humans from clay, but I doubt any Chinese of today still think they are true. We are very much inclined to think of them as mythologies and believe a more scientific explanation of human evolution.

On the side note, I don’t consider myself a Buddhist nor a Taoist, but I don’t think this part of me makes me have different views on sexuality from a, say, practiced Buddhist/Taoist Chinese gay guy. Our religions have rules but it’s up to us the believers to adopt it up to any level we want. I don’t believe in religions but I believe in morality, ethics and philosophies. I believe the philosophical part of Taoism but I don’t practice the rituals.

I have a conservative view on sexual activity and ideally, it should only be done between married couples, or couples who are sure to marry each other. In a gay context, to me ideally, it should only be done between very stable couples even since they can’t get married in front of law and in a ceremony in Malaysia. But this is a very different view from most other Chinese gay guys who simply don’t care.

Probably that’s also because I’m a good boy. =P I don’t drink and I don’t smoke, too.

With regards to the process of coming out, I didn’t realised that I’m not quite the same as others until when I was in high school. I accepted the fact that I’m gay when I was in university, but I decided to stay in the closet. And I fully stayed in the closet for about 5 years. It only takes me about two years from a fully closeted guy to someone who is starting to come out. But I guess those are more of my character than my cultural background.

How is it like being a gay like you with your religion and cultural background? I would love to know about anything, even if you’re of the same cultural background as me. Link to this blog post if you’re writing in your blog so that Blogger can automatically post a pingback in the comments and notify me (I think it does), or click the ‘Create a Link’ at the bottom of this page to post to your blog directly and notify my blog at the same time.

Hundred Schools of Thoughts

There was a time when the Central Plain was in chaos. The feudal system started to dissolve as the king lost his power over his nobles. Five of the states rose to power. Historians call this period the Spring and Autumn Period.

The condition worsened when the smaller states were absorbed by the larger ones, and then the larger states started to fight each other over the smaller ones. The five superpowers became seven. Historians call this period of time the Warring States Period.

The constant warfare of those times bred the rise of scholars. They thought the society was ill, and it needs a good ideology to treat its illness. So they came out with various philosophies encompass a broad range of disciplines including ethics and morality, sociology, politics, military, culture and religion etc. They voiced and published their ideas and thoughts, debated them and preached for the adoption of their philosophies by various states to end the warfare. The amount of philosophers was so many that the time was called a time of Hundred Schools of Thoughts.

I think the state of Malaysia now, although not in warfare like those times, has a lot in common with the times. Many knowledgable and patriotic people of all walks of life rise to speak their minds. Views and opinions are aplenty and in varieties, but injustice and misconducts are not uncommon, too. Associating our times with the times of Hundred Schools of Thoughts may be too much of flattering to ourselves, but there are definitely a lot of things we can learn from the history and wisdom of the ancient people.

Homophobic Housemates

With the plan to move back to KL, I need to look for a room to rent.

When I lived in KL last time, my housemates were not exactly homophobic. But their occasional disrespectful jokes about gay and homosexuality made me feel a little uncomfortable, even though I was still in the closet that time.

And there was once they suspected me for being gay and hinted and tested me in various ways. Being fully in the closet that time, I wasn’t ready to be out nor have this secret of mine be disclosed and so I felt uneasy and a little scared to be exposed.

Thanks to my moving back to my hometown, I get a lot of time to rethink on everything about myself, including my sexuality. And I slowly come out of closet to become who I am now. I think being in a new environment gave me the courage to slowly come out (not yet to my family though). If I were to continue staying in KL that time, I doubt I will start coming out as quickly as I am now.

In a way, I’m viewing my move to KL this time another stage of my coming out. I want to live more openly gay, so having non-homophobic housemates are important to me. Even though I’m more ready to be out to my friends now, I’d still prefer to have housemates who are sensitive about homosexuality, for at least they don’t crack inappropriate jokes about gay.

And of course I don’t want housemates with obnoxious living habits, too.

So I’m trying to look for a room via Grindr. I’m not sure if this is a good idea, but at least I can be quite sure that my housemates won’t be homophobic.

Anyone with homophobic housemates wants to move?

Small Talk

In Malaysia, I’m not sure what’s the right answer for questions like “how are you” or “how’s your day”. I think Westerners see them as a form of small talk, so the answer is always ‘good’ or ‘fine’. They only expect a reply, but they don’t care what you answer. Just like how we are taught in schools, for “How are you?”, the reply is always “I’m fine. Thank you.”

But many Malaysians see it like a real question and answer it by telling how they have not been good, how they’ve been busy etc. The grammar nazi in me feels like standing out to correct them, but I always brush it off. And it’s become so common among the people I talk to to the point that my responses like “I’m fine” are odd to them.

But surely I owe you an accurate answer! – http://xkcd.com/222/

I’m still undecided whether this should be considered a register or simply bad command of English among the people I talk to, but I’ll just stick with “I’m fine, thank you.”

We’ve Got Power!

Okay, this is going to be a little related to politics. Before you roll your eyes on this ‘blog post about politics’, let’s face it: being in a country with an established political system, everything in your lives is about politics. Your education, employment, salary, the place you live in (cukai pintu, cukai tanah etc.), the fast food you eat (service tax etc.), and even the water you drink (water supply) and air you breath in (law enforcement of air pollution prevention etc.) are all about politics. There’s no way you can run away from politics. It affects every aspect of your life, probably negatively if you do not pay attention closely enough to safeguard your rights. Don’t live thinking to stay away from politics because it is dirty, complicated and dramatic—it will hit you someday in some way.

Anyway, I’m trying my best to write this blog post more as an LGBT issue than as a political issue.

Malaysia has been well known for going against LGBT. From censoring Lady Gaga’s song for its lyrics voicing support for LGBT people, to the suggestion to set up a camp to correct the behaviour of effeminate boys and the 180-degree change of the stance, banning of an annual sexuality rights festival which has been held without problem since 2008, to a protest for the ‘rights’ of Muslim to be against homosexuality and rally against ‘unacceptable lifestyle’ of LGBT people.

If you look at each one of them more carefully, they only became issues in recent years, not quite before the political tsunami of 2008. From this, anyone with a little understanding on Malaysian political landscape and a little common sense can easily tell that they are at least partially (if not wholly) cooked up by some politicians to gain cheap publicity. I don’t think I should explain too much on how LGBT issues can help certain politicians garner more votes. But if you really need further elaborations, I will be glad to explain to you via emails.

In 2008, the alliance of the long standing incumbent parties Barisan Nasional (the National Front) won the election by a close margin over the alliance of three major opposition parties named Pakatan Rakyat (the People’s Alliance). According to politics observers, the upcoming election will be another fierce fight between the two parties, and it’s estimated that the winning margin is about 3% to 10%, which means 3% to 10% of the voters will decide which party gets to form the cabinet. 3% to 10% of the people is easily about the estimated size of LGBT people in Malaysia! In other words, if all of us register ourselves as voters, our demands (for basic human rights) will be heard and most likely be answered too!

Pang, the founder of Seksualiti Merdeka (and no, it does not mean seks bebas, it means freedom to choose the gender of our lover), wrote a very insightful blog post on what the Members of Parliament should do to get our support, which can be translated into what kind of MPs we should vote for.

I urge all of us to register ourselves as voters (it might be too late already if the election is held in June as rumoured, but we never really know when it will be held! It may be as late as 2013). Try to register as a voter in your hometowns, if possible—there may be hassles going back to your hometowns to vote but analysts say one vote in a suburban or rural constituency can be equivalent to 6 votes in an urban constituency. So your votes in Klang Valley is not as precious and as powerful as those in your hometowns.

And for those of you who are currently overseas, you may be eligible to vote too. But you need to register yourselves via the Embassy or High Commission of Malaysia in your respective country of residence. Even if you’re considering to immigrate some time later, I know it’s your right to choose to immigrate but I urge you to register and vote too. You are probably unhappy with this country to consider immigration but before you leave, please think of the plight of the rest of Malaysians who can’t afford to immigrate. Your votes count.

Whether or not we can make a perception shift in Malaysians towards LGBT this time probably depends on how well we voice ourselves. Please voice your support on Facebook, Twitter or any other social networks you’re in. Let the politicians hear us and make them know WE are the ones deciding who will be in the Parliament and so they better treat us well.

Really, now minority like us LGBT people have the real power of voting. Let’s make use of this golden opportunity to demand for the basic human rights we have been deprived of.

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Many politicians have neglected our rights, hence the rise of BERSIH, Himpunan Hijau, Women in Purple, the aborigines and others. Not to mention about the mishandling in various high profile cases e.g. the Lingam video clip, the death of Kugan Ananthan under the detain of police, the death of Teoh Beng Hock and Ahmad Sarbani Mohamed under the custody of Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission, the death of Altantuya Shaariibuu and the alleged link to bribery in the purchase of Scorpene submarines

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