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Went for a dinner and catchup with my old colleagues. I worked with them for only 2 months. But I feel my service and my talent are so much more appreciated there. They are a bunch of casual, easygoing, straightforward guys that appreciate good talents. I feel I can achieve so much with them, unlike so little that I can accomplish with my current job.

My ex-boss bought us all dinner, one that is so much more expensive as compared to my normal meals. Contemporary western dishes. I skipped the appetizer, went straight to the soup and main course, and then skipped the dessert. Only two dishes with another glass of drink, the price for my portion of this meal is more or less enough for my normal 3-meals-a-day for 1 week. OMG I’ve never had such luxurious western food before. It tastes so good (probably partly due to the price =P).

My ex-boss also bought me a book. They know I have been having a tough time with my current job. They are sympathetic and they do feel the waste for my skills being much underutilized and not appreciated. So they bought a book about work for me, to motivate me. My colleagues left some meaningful words for me in the book. Indeed, upon reading their words, I’m touched. They are where I can still feel my value in this world, I can only feel I’m still a useful person when with them. I’m very touched.

Although I’m tired and sleepy, I still opened up my computer because I want to take this feeling down in this blog.

I’m at it again. I didn’t have a proper lunch.

Malas lah. None of my housemates are around. No one is having lunch with me. Malas to walk to the nearest place with food. (no car)

While I’m a big eater, but once I skipped a proper meal, I can almost instantly see my waistline become smaller as my pants at the best fit will loosen slightly.

sigh. I need some discipline. But I have been like this since my uni days.

ah I’m so fake. I thought I wouldn’t go but eventually I went.

Anyway, I think 老天 wanted me to go. It was last night that I realized I needed to settle something in the office. Kebetulan the gathering is so near to my office. And since I was nearby already, it doesn’t make sense not even to drop by and say hi, at least for courtesy.

I said hi and I shook their hands. But I don’t feel as much animosity this time. Maybe they are good in hiding it and putting on fake smiles, or maybe they really don’t hold any grudge against me anymore. I’ll believe it’s the latter (as usual, I’ll look at the better side of humanity). Actually I don’t feel I put on a fake smile – I think my smile was real.

Let unhappy things begone. =)

I learned another good step of my life. Fate has decided to let me learn.

I have been using hair tonic thanks to my thinning hair.

I used up my last drop of hair tonic last night. So I went for a hunt for a new bottle today.

Been to Watson and Guardian. None sells the brand that I want.

=(

During the weekend, my sis told me to buy eye cream, because my crow’s feet are worse than those of an old man.

=(

Sign of getting less young. =((

A friend called up for a gathering, inviting all of my Chinese uni batch mates.

We were a really small group. There’s only very few of us Chinese. But it doesn’t break the norm of being divided into groups due to arguments.

An old friend wished me happy birthday in Fb. He’s as cheerful as I know him before. After so long having no contact with him, his birthday wish triggered my memories.

The time when I started to realize my attraction to guys (despite denial of being gay) was when he first groped me in a class. I felt a little excited, except when he told other classmates that he was groping me, I felt a little uneasy. Even so, I realized that I actually enjoyed being groped by him.

Some time later, he tried to kiss me on my lips in school, openly, in front of our friends. I know I wanted to be kissed, but I don’t want to appear I like it in front of my other friends. So I gently rejected but was still hoping that he forced his kiss on me. LOL. It never came true though.

After that incident, he never did anything on me anymore.

But I strongly believe that his actions ‘activated’ my gay sense, triggered the rest of my story thereafter.

Over these years, I have heard stories of him with other girls. I believe someone like him most probably won’t have any problems getting a girlfriend, even shortly after breaking up with another.

I checked his Fb profile, hoping for something different. He’s single now, but he’s interested in women.

Ironically, a straight turned me into gay.