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Really. We wanted to slow down but we can’t help being fast.

From Grindr to Whatsapp to Facebook to dating to being couple, all done within 5 days. And we became couple from the first date.

I think that’s really too fast if we take time as the unit of measurement. But what we have been through for that five days felt like a month to me. We basically chatted with each other for 10 to 12 hours a day (and both of us suffer from work performance problem because of that).

Despite the fact that I lack experience in love, I know it’s not a good thing to progress too fast. He thinks so too, according to his past experience. Something that comes fast usually goes faster. However, our attempts to slow ourselves down were futile. We can’t help going with the flow (which is fast).

Even though I knew it was too early to ask him to be my bf, but I did it without thinking after being hinted by him. I was totally not me who made decisions on love based on logic and sensibility. Anyway, thinking about this sensibly, it would be very hurtful to him if I don’t ask him to be my bf when he hinted so.

So far I have no regrets on what I have done despite it’s too fast. But I’m now thinking of ways to slow us down without making him feel bad.

Things always happen in the least expected way.

One of my near-daily routines is to browse Grindr to kapchai. And at the same time, I hope to find some guys in the circle to be my real friends (although most guys there seek only physical fun), and I also hold that tiny glimpse of hope to find the right person for me (even though knowing that is highly unlikely via Grindr).

Lately, some people keep pm’ing me. Most of them in their late 30’s, 40’s or even 50’s seeking fun. They usually don’t put their profile pic and other info. So it has become natural for me to ignore any pm’s from anyone without profile pic and info.

There’s a guy without profile picture and info that have been pm’ing me persistently for weeks even though I’ve never replied to him. Out of curiosity, I decided to respond to him just to see what is he about.

Unexpectedly, it’s a young guy around my age, decent height, decent weight. I asked for his picture. He’s not bad looking at all.

We chatted a little. Sounded good. Then chatted on Whatsapp. Then on Facebook.

I confirmed with him that he’s not looking for physical fun from me.

Everything advanced so smoothly yet so fast. You just know it when it clicks. We must have some kind of mental link that connects what we think. Throughout the chat, there were several times we understood each other instantly before we finished talking about something. And not to mention that warm and sweet feeling chatting with him. He said he feels the same.

But we both know that we should not rush this. Both of us agreed that things that come fast go away faster. So we try to slow things down and decided to be friends and know each other better first.

We chatted the whole night through until just now. There seems to be endless things to chat about with him. I was really, so addicted into chatting with him that I feel hard to stop, even though I know he really needs to sleep. I think he feels the same way, so excited that he refused to sleep even though he is really sleepy.

I’m probably drawing the conclusion too early, but I just hope that I am right. I hope this is it, this is what I have been waiting for. It’s a tiring journey looking for that special someone and I wish I don’t have to continue looking any more.

This has been in mind my for some time. Like last time, I want this intention to be tested just to confirm it is real.

As of now, I think it is.

The reasons I left the relatively good-paying corporate job were the feeling of being treated unfairly, corporate practice that contradicts to my personal principles. Even my former lecturer advised me to quit the job. But the most important reasons are my pride for my technical knowledge and skills, and my ambition and dream that are never mentioned here.

And so is taking up my current job. My main objective is to gain more time for my personal projects which in my opinion, will help me in realising my ambition.

It has been more than eight months I’m on this job. Unfortunately I don’t see much progress on my personal endeavour—at least the progress is not proportionate to the amount of time that has passed. Worse, I feel I have been taking more time to catch my work, making even less time for my personal endeavour.

This is not right. It feels to me if I continue with this job, I will not be able to achieve my ambition.

So I think it’s time to change again. In my mind now, I have another job that will probably give me more time for my personal projects.

But it’s crazy. My friends and family will probably drop their jaws if I take up that job. I shall just let the idea to cool down in my mind first for more reality check.

If I ever quit my current job and take up another one, that would be my fourth job within three years. That doesn’t sound like something my mum can be proud of to tell our relatives about.

I’m looking at almost everything in my life negatively now. But I don’t know how to stop myself.

How to make myself think and act positively?

I have become a noisy whining kid lately.

The ladies in the house are up to something.

My mum has been trying to get me to participate in activities by her religious society. There was once she tricked me into going to an event of the society. Well, actually I knew she was up to something to do with the society but I decided to be a good son and just pretend to not know anything and answer her call.

But this time seems different from last time. My sister is taking actions on behalf of my mum. She came to my work area and ask me to go for breakfast with mum and her tomorrow.

It is unlikely to be about the society since my sister is a lot more non-supportive than me with regards to the society’s activities.

My gut feeling tells me that they are going to do match-making for me this time.

So I have reached this stage after all.