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My Adolescent Idol

I was playing some Christmas songs on YouTube and stumbled upon a song of a boy band that I was a fan of when I was in secondary school.

The music video and the dance are awkward and clueless but it’s from about 11 years ago. (Wow. I’ve really become old.)

The name of the duo is called WeWe. The guy with long hair is Li Wei and the one in short hair is Lin Youwei. I was particularly a fan of Lin Youwei.

Super nostalgic. To think that someone as boring as me was once a fan of a celebrity. Anyway, I knew for a boy to be a fan of a boy band obviously marketed for girls isn’t something usual. So I did not show too much fanship to them, but I secretly collected issues of entertainment magazines (that I don’t normally buy nor read) with them as the cover.

Their singing wasn’t impressive, neither was their dancing or any other talents in entertainment business. LOL I had to admit that I was only attracted by that pretty face of Lin Youwei.

I’ve put up some photos of them that I found from the Internet after the jump.

Lin Youwei:

All this while I thought Lin Youwei is no longer active in the entertainment industry. But while looking for his photos to post here, I found out that he’s still an actor (but not in those Taiwanese teen idol drama anymore) and that he has got married last September.

As for Li Wei, he’s more high profile as an actor. See today’s Li Wei:

Well I can only say no one can stay young…

星空

摸不到的颜色是否叫彩虹？
看不到的拥抱是否叫做微风？
一个人想着一个人是否就叫寂寞？

命运偷走如果，只留下结果
时间偷走初衷，只留下了苦衷
你来过，然后你走后，只留下星空

寂寞可以是忍受，也可以是享受
享受仅有的拥有

Year-End Reflection

So the year is coming to the end and it’s time for new-year resolution and year-end reflection and whatnots.

I never really practised this year-end reflection and new-year resolution thing because I thought as someone who always has an ambition in mind and has always been working hard towards it, those things don’t really matter – you know where you are heading for and always keep track of what you have been doing from time to time.

But I think I’m going to do some reflection this year. Because I’m lost. Like really unsure of myself. And I have made too much mistakes throughout the year.

  • I ended my job in corporate December last year. Right after that in January 2011, I joined a small company, working in the field I’m interested in, thinking that will be great for me.
  • Part of my plan to work with this small company is to relocate myself to my hometown. So I moved back in March. Working from home, with long-missed home-cooked meals. Even the air feels fresher. Another reason to leave is to run away from various problems that I did not want to face, one of them being a relationship that I could never get. Told myself not to get into love again to avoid getting hurt.
  • And when everything sounds great when I told my friends about my working condition, I’m starting to realise something I should have noticed earlier, something that deep inside myself is unhappy about this job. But I decided to look at the positive side – thinking that it’s something that I have to endure to achieve success. So they are effectively swept under the carpet.
  • Job motivation and self-discipline problem happens every few weeks. I can’t get myself to perform well in job and I’m simply too lazy to get myself to work.
  • Couldn’t hold myself from looking forward for love again. Got on Grindr. Got to know some guys. Did something really stupid. Lost something precious. Learned a hard lesson.
  • Then stupidly thought I found love but didn’t know it was due to desperation. Got in a relationship within less than a week. Suddenly realised I’ve never really loved him. Broke up in less than two months.
  • Then more work motivation problem. Realised work and life had become a total mess due to the absurd two-month relationship. More fixing up again.
  • Family argument. Got hit by flying arrows out of blue. That became the catalyst of rethinking about my work and being at home.
  • Decided to quit the job. Although I’m unsure of what I should do, this job does not suit me. Resignation will take effect end of January 2012. My plan is to take a few months break to think over what I should do.

This is probably my worst year in my whole life so far. I’ve made a lot of mistakes this year. Landing on this job is one. Moving back home to run away from problems is another. But for someone who doesn’t have true friends around like me, I guess it’s natural to want to run back to family when bad things happen. Still, mistakes made over the years (e.g. not making enough friends) led to many other mistakes. But then again, being an introvert person, it’s not easy to make myself to mix around with people. So I guess another mistake I made over the years is not overcoming my introvert nature.

While there are a lot of slightly regretful things happened this year, at least I still learned some lessons. The hard way.

Looking forward, I should mix around more with people, befriend with some good people. Think more deeply before making decisions, make sure they are wise and not by gut feeling.

And no doubt of it, KL definitely has more opportunities than a small town like my hometown, be it job opportunities or opportunities to meet great people.

多少

陳奕迅 – 多少

作詞/作曲：蔡健雅
編曲：李守信/金木義則/梁介洋/黃冠豪/石博元
製作：林暐哲

我用盡所有方式　找個人給我安慰
渡過寂寞的黑夜
我問守護的天使　也許她能夠體會
這無助讓我好累
走到無路可退　我還能相信誰

＃用多少天　用多少年的跌跌撞撞才找到終點
　用多少傷痛的心愛才不離開身邊
　用多少謊言去掩飾彼此的不完美
　要用多少個世紀讓我看透一切＃

我坐在這個城市熟悉用陌生的臉
有誰能給我安慰
原本守護的天使也許他能夠體會
這無助讓我好累
走到無路可退　我還能相信誰

REPEAT＃

我沒有任何防備
沒方向到處地追
沒翅膀卻好想飛
我努力順風跟隨
黑或白找不到個絕對 全都是灰

REPEAT＃

要用多少個世紀讓我看透一切

Facepic

No facepic no reply

Have a facepic before you say hi

Headlines/descriptions like these are commonly found in Grindr profiles.

I can totally understand nobody wants to befriend (or have sex) with anyone with a look they don’t like, but I’m still not putting up my face pic. At first, it was merely because I don’t want anyone in this small Town to be able to identify me as gay when I go out to shop for groceries. But recently I have come to realize that it doesn’t really matter to me anymore.

Yet there’s still another reason I don’t put on a face pic. It’s because I’m not entirely confident with how I look. While I don’t consider myself to be bad looking, I’m just terribly un-photogenic. I never get along well with camera – for whatever reason! So I don’t really have a decent photo to be my profile pic.

Well maybe when I’m finally more confident with my look in photos, then I will be putting my facepic. =)

Need some peace

I really need some peace.

Neverending family affairs. My family has never been in peace ever since I was young. Until today I’m still not sure what is the root of the problem but I think every member in the family is responsible for it.

There was a time I thought my family is finally in harmony but it turns out not. Apparently everything was swept under the carpet and had turned into landmines, awaiting to be triggered.

Recently, something triggered the mines right there. Being part of the family, I inevitably got dragged into this. They claimed that I am one of the causes of the fight, something on me that’s really petty and hardly related to what the fight is about.

Every time there’s a fight in the family, I’ve always been stuck in the middle. It’s never an easy job to please both parties and have them come into a peace treaty. I’m not a powerful member in the family to have both parties listen to me. Even though I have been trying, they never really listened.

I thought of pretending nothing happens and stay outside of it. But there was always a part of me thinking that being a member of the family, I have the responsibility to make sure it’s harmonious. So I always try to resolve the conflicts in some ways, even though I know they never really listened to me.

But now I’m really tired of this. I really think I should wash my hands of this. Since the ladies think I am also one of the reasons for the fight this time, I should really stay far away from both parties to avoid being one of the reasons for their next fight. It’s also better for me because I can finally stay out of the fight.

So here I’m now planning for another move. Other factors such as job and realizing the need of some freedom also further validate the move.