Posts

Gaydar

I’m not talking about the gay dating site—I’m talking about the ability to ‘sense’ and identify whether a person is gay or not i.e. gay + radar.

Have you ever wonder why most gay people have gaydar whereas we’ve never heard of straight people having ‘straightdar’ i.e. ability to identify whether a person is straight?

I have a theory. Gay people have long been treated as something not in the norm of the society, e.g. by default, people would assume anyone is straight. The normal has always been for the straight but not for the gay. And when the society deems the norm to be straight, gay people have to find ways to look for people like them. That in turn makes them to gain the ability to observe very subtle clues. I believe if the perception towards gay and straight in the society was the other way round, the straight people would be the ones who gain their ‘straightdar’ and gaydar probably wouldn’t exist.

I think gaydar is basically an ability developed in gay people (based on stereotypes on gay people themselves, i.e. what you think a gay person would behave like) due to human’s social instinct to find a community they belong to. When not being used for finding like-minded people, I think gaydar is just really sharp observation skills.

IMHO there’s some connexion between gaydar and gay people’s fashion sense. Gay as we know are generally better than straight people in fashion sense and many are some of the best fashion designers. I don’t think it comes by coincidence, nor it comes naturally. I would believe that by gaining gaydar, gay designers also gain sharp observation skills which in turn give them great fashion sense.

But I heard for some people, gaydar deteriorates over time. I’ve heard people used to be good in it lost it almost totally without apparent reasons. While I don’t think one would lose its observation skills without apparent reasons, I can’t find an explanation of losing gaydar.

But then again, not every gay person has gaydar. Some have never had it but probably still live a good life as a gay person.

So do you have gaydar? Anyone has already lost it? Have you ever put your gaydar in used other than finding gay people?

Gay men who are not into anal sex

EDIT: DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to promote sexual activities to anyone here. To me personally, sexual activities should be between couples who are committed in a healthy relationship. If you’re still a virgin, I would advise you to keep your virginity for your true love and be proud of being able to keep your virginity.

Yup, I’m one of them. I have tried both top and bottom positions but neither works for me. I just don’t get the pleasure from both positions (in fact I like cuddling and frotting more).

note: come to think of it, this is probably the most ‘outspoken’ blog post of mine so far…

It was kinda disturbing for me. I thought a gay man should like either one, or both. But I realised it isn’t the case when I read about it on the Internet. In fact according to many sources, most gay men don’t enjoy anal sex as much as they do for other forms of sexual activities.

I think the gay pornography industry publicises anal sex too much and causes this misconception to even gay men. Many think that anal sex is ‘the’ sex and the rest are just for foreplay. But other forms of sex e.g. blowjob, frottage, intercrural sex, mutual masturbation etc. can actually be primary means of intimacy too.

When talking to a gay man, most of us would ask whether he’s a top or bottom, or versatile. I’m not exactly a bottom – I prefer to be ‘taken care of’ (not effeminate though), thus a less dominant role. So when someone asks me this question, I usually say that I’m a versatile bottom. But somehow I now think it’s not the exact answer. Maybe next time I’ll just answer I’m not into anal. 🙂

Come to think of it, this is probably why according to a survey done by Simonlover, there are so many versatile gay men in Malaysia. I wonder if some of them are like me, not into anal but because there is no such ‘option’ in the categorisation, so they chose ‘versatile’? The ‘categorisation’ we have been using so far is, in a way, over-generalisation. Asking whether a person is a top or bottom assumes the person is into anal sex.

Instead of asking whether a person is top or bottom (a closed-ended question), we can probably ask ‘what kind of sex are you into?’ (an open-ended question). So the answer can be anything like (but not limiting to; and can be multiple too):

  • Anal sex, as a top
  • Anal sex, versatile
  • Face-fucking
  • Cock sucking
  • Frottage
  • Cuddling
  • etc.

So what is in your list?

Tired

I wanted to end the year with a happy post but I guess I just can’t. My life and I are just too negative.

Ever since I was young, I’ve not been telling my problems to my family. My family has never been peaceful, I just don’t want to bring more worries to the family.

I thought I was strong, to be able to keep things in myself and endure them.

But as I grow older, problems I face are getting more difficult. And as they accumulate, I started to realise that there will be a day that I won’t be able to keep them all in myself anymore.

Posting on Facebook or Twitter is not the way to go. I don’t want to catch the attention of people who know me. I just want to stay low profile. I don’t want to sound like a whining boy to them.

So I started blogging. As much as I whine here, at least I’m somewhat anonymous. At least no one really knows me here.

But as I blog, I’m starting to care about what I write here. I don’t want to write to myself here. I want to write something that somebody actually cares to read. So I started to think twice whenever I have a problem that I want to blog about. I try my best not to sound like an overly negative person. Sometimes I delete the whole post after finished composing it, just because I realise it is too negative and I’m afraid to lose more readers.

And so I tell myself to be strong, and keep the things inside myself again.

But I’m really tired. Tired of being strong. Or rather faking to be strong.

I’m actually not strong at all. I’m weak. Hopelessly weak.

I heard crying is actually a good way to letting it out and I tried secretly. But no, it doesn’t work for me. I feel the sourness in my nasal cavity but tears just won’t come out. It feels as if my body won’t let me to be weak at all. I cry for others easily but I just can’t cry for myself.

I know self-pity brings me nowhere and I should overcome it but I’m really not that strong.

Sometimes I wish 2012 would really be the end of the world.