Escapist

Escapism means the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy.

I was a very disciplined person. But over the years without realising, I’ve become like an escapist. When work gets overwhelming and feels like too much for me to handle, I lose my self regulation ability.

At first, I would feel dreaded to wake up for work. Sometimes, I would wish to fall sick and take a day off. I thnk many people are like that, too.

In recent years, it has become worse that I couldn’t gather my energy to prepare my meal, clean my dishes, take out the trash, clean my house, do my laundy, water my plants and various other housechores etc.

Lately for the past one year, it has gotten so bad that I would even skipped my meals, shower or brushing of my teeth. I couldn’t resist my mind’s call for leisure activities such as watching YouTube (even though there’s nothing specific that I want to watch), or playing games (I would do impulse buying for games and spent hours playing it daily for a few weeks before making another impulse purchase).

The worst part is that I lost my ability to regulate my urge to want to find things to do to distract myself from my work. When I start to watch YouTube or playing games, I would not stop even late at night. I tend to sacrifice my sleeping hours to get myself sufficiently entertained.

If I’m a character in The Sims, I must be a very badly played character. I overwork so much that I had to skip my night sleep to do leisure activities to raise my ‘Fun’ rating. Then the next day I don’t have enough ‘Sleep’ rating to work the next day.

I don’t have any idea how to get myself out of this mess now. Maybe I just need a short holiday. But I also doubt I can fully recover by a few days of break.